I surrender. This blog is dead. It’s been almost a year since I launched “Hippie Hermana,” and with only a few introductory posts, it was over just as soon as it began.

I tried to come back to it. I really did! I’d log in, I’d write drafts… 

The thing I could not seem to do was publish anything. 

I wasn’t really writing anything worth publishing anyway. 

Recently though, I’ve been thinking. Is anything that anyone posts onto their social media worth publishing? Probably not. Or maybe it’s: everything is, or nothing is. Anyway, I figure I’m allowed. That’s why I’m back.

The intentions behind Hippie Hermana have always been genuine, but I got a little carried away with an idea of what this blog could grow into. As I started to build it up in my mind, it soon became something I couldn’t post on, because it was no longer “me.” I began to envision something I no longer had any connection to. Let’s just say, “it got real Goop, real fast.”

The blog wasn’t even fully established yet when I began overthinking. As I imagined how it could look, or maybe how I thought it should look, it transformed into something that I could no longer relate to or write about.

What’s funny is that when I first created the blog, I wanted it to be about the beauty of imperfection. I wanted to honor every effort, and observe and learn from every mistake, and most of all I wanted to not pretend to be perfect.

Initially I thought that the common struggle of wanting to be my best self, but kind of sucking at it sometimes, would be the relatable perspective that I could post about here. But then I started over thinking, and over planning, and creating lists upon lists of blog topics that I’d never actually write about. 

I created Hippie Hermana for me, and for us, but then I immediately started building it up in my mind as being written by someone else. Why? Am I that brainwashed? To automatically envision the version of a modern hippie, in the way that is most often represented in visual media? 

I have to take the blog back. I have to start seeing myself as the person who is writing this blog. Which means, I have to just write it.

I guess this is the post where I say, “Oh, no, this isn’t really a lifestyle blog, per say. I may never have “tips” again for anyone reading.” This is just going to be my blog.

I’m taking the pressure off, and giving myself this space to just write. There’s a lot of pressure to have products and side hustles, and to have an online presence. The pressure comes from within, of course. I don’t know why I’m like this. Actually, I might know.

Today I wanted to hop online and expose myself. It’s what we do on social media. This blog is just about me, and my journey through life.

I’m stuck in a rut right now. I can’t breathe through it. I want to air it all out here, this blog can never thrive if I’m trying to write from some false perspective.

I can’t really be here to give advice. What do I know? All I can do is document my life experiences. Maybe if I collect some genuine experiences here, they can be of use to someone.

I’m not some superhero environmentalist. I forget my reusable bags when I go to the grocery store, and I drive everywhere. I hate paper straws. I’m not some perfect vegan. I never do yoga even though I really wish I was that person. 

I’m not much of a hippie. Not in the aesthetically pleasing ways. It’s probably more of an aspirational title than I’d like to admit. 

In truth, I’m just an entry-level pacifist. Just a believer in love and in magic. I just want peace all over the world. I want harmony between myself and nature, and with my fellow humans. I try to be kind, and to do what I think is right. I try, and occasionally I fail.

There’s a part of me that wants to give up and make the blog private, but also, you have to just find some balls in life.

Being vulnerable is what makes the space to connect on a more authentic level. Why not? What’s the worst that happens? Someone finds something that they like or can relate to?

So, just like that, just in time for spring, Hippie Hermana is resurrected. Reborn as something new and more authentic. If you’re reading, I hope this brings something good into your life. If no one is reading, I’m still happy. Because I’m here, and I get to write.